The Joburg club scene

I haven’t been to a club in Joburg for a few months. I got tired of the whole clubbing scene, it may be because I’m getting older or just because I have changed. In my fresh ‘of age’ years I loved the clubbing scene – my friends and I were frequent visitors to all the clubs.

Those clubs however were the student friendly clubs. While still being classy they were affordable, with the student night cheap entrance fee and drink specials that allow you to stay refreshed the whole night without having to pull out your bank card. These clubs attract the ‘youngsters’, the university crowd. And I fear that I am over that chapter in my life and can’t handle partying with this crew. I’ve known this for a while now, and have dealt with my ageing in this regard.

I thought that it was just the young crowd that put me off going to clubs so I decided to go to one of the more fancy, elite clubs in Joburg. Last night we went to Latinova in Rosebank. I wouldn’t say that Latinova is one of the fanciest clubs in Joburg but it is quite upper class.

I’m going to start explaining my experience of Latinova firstly by saying that this is not my sort of vibe. I don’t wear heels and I don’t know all the who’s who of the party scene – well this particular party scene (it seems like to be accepted you must at least know either the bouncer, owner or manager by name, and they must know yours).

Luckily we got on the guestlist through a friend, I don’t even want to know what the entrance fee is. This is the first turn off for me. Why do we need to be on a guestlist?? Again its all about who you know, image is everything. I just makes it seem so fake and contrived, I knew someone who had access to putting names on a guestlist and now suddenly I’m cool enough to get into the club. I’m not really that cool and probably not the target market that they want in their club.

I’m not the target market that they want in their club because I refuse to pay the obscene prices for drinks. A Brutal Fruit cost R30. R30. Add another R15 in and you have yourself a six pack from the bottle store. It’s so ridiculous. They also tell you what drinks are ‘cool’ by only offering a limited selection of ciders and beers – probably to make you drink the hard tack which will also be ridiculously priced.  But it may just be me who doesn’t want to pay such high prices because people were buying bottles. BOTTLES of tequila, champagne….you name it.

I wouldn’t call myself a cheapskate but I mean really? I don’t understand the point of flashing around your card buying bottles to look fancy and rich. I will of course reap the benefits of other people buying these bottles and sharing, but it won’t impress me at all. Probably the opposite.

Then there were the outfits. The dresses were tiny and the heels were monsters. The guys also seemed to mostly be wearing the same style of clothes – checkered shirts seem to be the style with gelled back hair giving the slick look. They all looked the same with their muscles nearly ripping their checkered or deep V shirt. It was hilarious.

It might just be that I’m not ‘in’ with this crowd or they sensed that I didn’t belong but people weren’t that friendly. I normally meet people at the places I go to and have hilarious chats, even if its just in the queue for the bathroom. But at Latinova I didn’t really come across any friendly people, the bathroom was an awkward wait with the girls only concerned about fixing their make-up and hair. Again I’m sure this isn’t always the case, it may have just been that particular night or I might have sent off ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes.

Overall I didn’t hate the experience, it was fun in ways, but I don’t think that I’ll be visiting such places any time soon. I prefer to go somewhere where I can wear shoes that allow me to jump around like a crazy person when a good song comes on and where people won’t look at me strangely for doing this. It’s not my scene and I know this now.

There are lots of different scenes in Jozi, I’m still trying to find where I belong but I know that it’s not in the elite clubbing scene.

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